I don’t feel that I belong here or anywhere for that matter. My spirits never stay high. It’s like a mask I put on every day, pretending my best to be happy. But, it comes off and dies down as the day does, and along with the night the darkness stays. It haunts me, makes me insane. But, the good thing is I don’t pretend anymore when it happens.
I lie down and just be my miserable self. The insecurities and numbness lie alongside, grabbing me by my throat, the sleep paralysis sinks in and these are the real monsters that lead to it. These feelings are constant. They stay, in my write-ups, in my heart always.
But, nowadays, there’s a difference. I can feel that they are choking, almost dying. For a while, I was content with this. But, the horror has returned silently this time. All this has ultimately lead to the end of all the emotions I have ever suppressed, or for that matter even expressed.
That’s why sharing is important in a way. Once, we stop it, there’s nothing but a dark hole where there’s no escape. These dead feelings still follow me wherever I go but, the ultimate destination of this all is the end.
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