Praveen Yadav | Oct 17, 2021 | 0
THE INTERDEPENDENT VS THE CODEPENDENT
Ever caught note of these terms? Very familiar yet very intriguing; transform their meaning with wavering relationships. And recently, I realized how these had the functional ability to alter from one relation to another. And all you could do is, either appreciate the artistry or drench in a cosmos of questions no one can answer for you.
Let’s outset by differentiating both the terms. Well, as defined psychologically codependency is dysfunctional and is negatively symbiotic in a way interdependency is not. In an interdependent relationship all can comfortably rely on each other for help, understanding, and support.
It adds value to your life, strength, resourcefulness, and self-determination*. But what happens when this harmony is tousled. You are in a constant need of assurance. Your identities get deceived and your growth gets ripped off. Sadly, you feel alone, inadequate, insecure and unworthy.
When a relationship sees a shift from being an interdependent to a codependent relation, the emotionally weaker one is the one to suffer the most. Couples experiencing these shifts often find themselves repeating the same unhealthy patterns despite their best intentions.
It is completely normal and natural to disagree with your partner. It’s a part of life. Sometimes, it leads to miscommunication and other times, breakup. This risk comes every time you enter into a relationship with someone. But when something goes wrong and things do not work out, what do you do? You run to your family and friends to get their opinion or just vent out your feeling or maybe you just need a shoulder to cry on. Why? Because you know they will be on your side, even if you are at fault. How does it help you? It satisfies your ego more than anything else. You create a third wheel for yourself. You look out for assurance from this third wheel and rely on them for your relationship decisions. That is when the shift happens. Your interdependent relationship is ruined.
Friendships are an essential part of life and there is nothing more valuable to have someone to lean on. But, when it comes to relationships, these might become the same people who just ruin it for you. Some intentionally but mostly unintentionally. You might often end up choosing between your partner and your friend.
You give away your time to satisfy the needs of an interdependent relationship with your friend and lead the way to shift yours into a codependent relationship. Eventually you just drift apart from your partner and start repeating unhealthy relationship patterns till eventually you separate.
Alibis can never fill the cracks in such cases. If you unquestionably want your relationship to work, you will do anything. Shut down the too many open tabs that might be a hindrance. One step at a time. Make it clear to you and your partner what is more important to you and this relationship.
If words don’t help, show it through your actions. But mind it, the actions have to be in favor of you and your partner sharing a common ground and making the most of what you have. Remember, after all a relationship is built on mutual sharing, caring, love, trust, and the efforts that you put into keeping it that way.
Do not point fingers or let your partner feel low of themselves. This is the time when they need you the most. Never hesitate to tell them why you love them instead of giving them reasons for your behavior. If you feel they aren’t being supportive, openly tell them why you need their support. Do not start to rely on that third wheel for the support or the relationship that you worked for so long will die a painful death.
In the fight of becoming an interdependent we often make someone in either our or someone else’s relationship, a codependent. Know where you stand and what space you belong to. Overwhelming someone with your feelings might disturb their life/relationships. Be interdependent with people and add value but not at the cost of sacrificing your partner’s time and love. Don’t become a third wheel and destroy someone’s relationship and never let a third wheel destroy your relationship.
Being a codependent is a psychological condition. Such a person would need only your love and support and a little faith that they want through you. Yes, just this with a heart open to understand that it matters to you that things aren’t going well and that together you will work it out.
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