Why don’t you sit with yourself after having a toast or a smoke up? Sitting with crowd and company is a schizophrenic pleasure which validates your escapism from the uncomfortable truth.
You have your universe inside you, boy. I got nonplussed, jittery and frenzied at the same moment when it hit me to give myself a try. I had the answers I was seeking for in front of the world and for a long time, I roofed myself into a trap of validated pleasure, good-not so good, and sabotaged myself.
It all comes down to the roots; Sooner or later, we all go back to our roots. Now, you ask me what are the roots?. Well, your childhood is the root.
Your childhood is an amalgamation of your curiosity, trauma, talent, ethics, rationality, fear, pleasure, adrenaline rush and in fact what you are right now is connected to your childhood.
Your schtick right now defines your childhood. If you were abused and criticized, you will find your validation in being the best and being appreciated.
No matter, how trifle the appreciation will be, you will seek your validation and will start to lose yourself getting lured by the predator and you will do anything to get yourself validated in front of the predator because he was the one who validated you when you were not validated even by yourself. From here, starts the journey of your validation and losing your self.
Consider a second scenario. You were highly loved and appreciated for the things you did in the childhood and so, you were doing everything with enthusiasm and grit and everything you did made you feel euphoric about the work which you are doing because you thought that you will be appreciated and be given a pat after every work.
Not a single work was an imposition on you and all you did was a voluntary act of happiness and peace. You were inconsiderate and now, consideration is imposed on you.
Soon after you left your childhood, the things were imposed on you and you were supposed to be mature and an adult who was dissuaded, understands things, is empathetic, is kind and is humble. Why? Who to be so nice if you are not. After all, all these things are not materialistic and are not learned from books.
These are the experiences. Why impose kindness, goodness, modesty on someone? There is an ego which balances the id ego and superego.
Imposition of the superego accidentally turns the id ego sometimes and the person loses his childhood and starts seeking validation everywhere, not thinking of the fact that he is searching himself only. He is searching for the child within him who is lost somewhere in the chaos and is trying to become the chaos.
Now, in a quest to find yourself, you succumb to an epitome of turmoil. You seek getaways and you become your scapegoat. You changed yourself for the world outside your childhood and now you want to get back to your world, but you have got Alzheimer’s because you cannot decipher that it’s within you only. You have a universe within you.
A fusty ascetic has his own stories which we fail to understand. Maybe there is no point of this whole human existence and the ascetics know it all and are beyond all of this and ironically they don’t have any existence.
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