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Just the two statements

Just the two statements

Calm, calm, calm, calm, calm, calm, calm, calm
Naay, I am okay, just that I heard somewhere that when you say something too much, you transition yourself into that state.
I said that I am okay?
It’s okay!
It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay.
It’s okay!
Oh lord, this was such a dramatic move but again, why am I judging???????
Calmmmmmmmmm the fuck out!!!!!!
Okay, few things and let’s settle down.
You are not transphobic, neither homophobic, you are liberal, not antinational, you believe in equality and socialism.
That’s all!!!
you are doing pretty good!
But again, who are you?
I mean, recently, I saw your post, all depicting the same thing, the same thing, yeah, that same.
Okay, see, we are people, people with bewitchedness, people believing in magic, the magic to resolve every issue. The magic of happiness. The magic of a magical journey in which no one will be sabotaged. In which the lilies will be on everyone’s shoulders and the greetings will be pure.
But again, magic is an ILLUSION, no?

The pixie dust, the lamp, the genie!
You know I was wondering that how my pains are none other than the self-inflicted ones.
I mean see,
Do I have an employment issue?
okay, I do!
But most of us have, no?
Do I feel dumb?
Most of the time, LOL!
Am I doing anything to help me out?
I want to!!!!!!
But I feel as if I am trapped, trapped in a vicious cycle of guilt, where my conscience keeps on asking me several questions and I don’t have any answers. It mocks me.
And that’s how my emotions derail.
Because I feel as if I am entangling myself and bursting into some other form, other than the celestial one.
Okay, look,
People actually have issues and maybe, just maybe, you do have too, but they have the real ones, okay?….OKAY????
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

You know sometimes I want to say sorry,
Actually most of the time I want to say sorry.
I feel like I am the most ungrateful person out there.
Neither a good son, nor a partner, nor a friend, nor a homo sapien.
Nor too much into anything,
‘Jack of all and master of none’.
I want to say sorry, to everyone who is having hopes for me, expectations from me.
Whom I hurt because I am me.
I am sorry that I am full of insecurities and I keep on irritating and fixating others but I am trying, okay?
I am trying, just that I am trying but it is so tiring, so so tiring that I don’t want to try it anymore.

I hate it that I have already written my suicide note and checked it over and over in case I missed any point, well I didn’t though.
But don’t worry, I am not gonna do that.
I won’t be able to do that. It requires guts.

Sometimes, I want to scream, scream as if I will get over the 20 kHz and no one will hear me, scream as if the earth will blow apart because of my screaming or the Himalayas will displace themselves.
scream as to just unleash what’s inside me, wrong or right (the societal subjective) but just unleash.

And then I write, in peace, in tranquillity in a calm yet hostile manner.
I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry.

I read Sylvia Plath, she mentioned ‘how she needed someone to pour into!’ depicting the isolated dystopian.
And then read Virginia Woolf, she mentioned how she was incapable of tolerating her own heart.

Just the two statements. Nothing else.
Goodbye, it is.

Calm, calm, calm, calm, calm, calm.
It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay.

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About The Author

Heerak Singh Kaushal

A person who is not afraid to 'call a spade, a spade'. You can often find me in two moods, either talking to everyone or just a quiet child. I live in a bubble that whatever it is shown in the newspapers, people are still good at heart. I wish you the best and may your pain just blow away!

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