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IBDITA

IBDITA

Peter came inside his room, the room was on the last floor, the last portion. He found a Rope, hanged it to the fan, and was ready to hang himself. His fingers were not in shivering. He wasn’t trembling at all. He was Fearless, his heart was beating,bdam bdam bdam, the voice of the beating heart was so loud that he couldn’t hear anything. He was self-aware though. He stood on a table, his fingers had wrinkles, these wrinkles could be easily seen in the people with old age, and the people who put their hands in water for a very long time. Oh, yes!! The stream, stream, whenever peter was thinking profoundly deep, he visits the stream, he loves the touch of water, the water flowing with impurities, as if he is transmitting his sadness into it. Peter was all set.

He put his wrinkled fingertips on the Rope and put the loop on his neck kicked the table to hang out, there in the room, the last room in the last row.

Dhamm, The door opened.

Charlie, he was there. They were never friends but just acquaintances. Peter’s pupils dilated, tongue fell out, Charlie tried to help him out but Peter was adamant. He kicked Charlie. He didn’t want to live.

Charlie took the pocket knife, he always kept it in his socks as was shown in the scene of Friends, the famous sitcom. His favorite character, Phoebe Buffay, had a knife in her socks, lovely scene! He imitated her and now was the time to use it but how? Peter was at the height. Turned out the Rope didn’t have the tensile strength to hold it for so long, and it failed, Peter fell on the floor with a thud, with no major injuries, thanks to the carpet or maybe no thanks according to Peter.

Peter kicked Charlie and screamed at him, “why the f* are you even here?? How come you know I was here?? You spying on me or anything?? You freaking moron!” Charlie: Does Anything even matter to you? And even if I was spying on you, it was worth it! What the hell were you planning to do? Why? Peter was numbed, he was never that numb, he was anxious, zoned out, lying on the carpet. Charlie: Peter! Peter! Peter!!! Peter: with a sudden conscious, I don’t know. I really don’t know much. I don’t know anything. There is a void inside. The hole, like a black hole it keeps on ambushing everything. The dementors, they keep on coming. I am sorry. What happened to me, I don’t know. Charlie: Calm down, shhhhhhh, lullaby, I am with you, always, calm down. Okay, let’s start, what’s the problem? Let me close the door. No one will hear. Peter: I don, ‘t know, I told you no? I don’t know!!! Charlie: Ok, let me start. See, the photograph you have placed on your drawer, you look happy, and the Lady, I guess is your mother, and you are standing with your father. See, how happy you are back and your lovely home. All so serene. You have every reason to be happy.

Peter: No no, just No. I’m tired of proving that I am worth it, what if I am not even worth it. And the lady you are mentioning, she loves me, I tell her something, she panics and cries. Their expectations don’t get failed. What if I fall as a person?! Charlie: Then? Then? Peter, Happiness is a state of mind. Peter: Oh f* you, and f* this theory what is the purpose of my life. You know, I have great expectations from myself too. Charlie: and by being an emotionally challenged person, you think you can achieve it? Peter: No, just that, am I even a good person? Charlie: You know some have so big conscience that they don’t allow themselves to hurt anyone even by a slight proportion. What do you feel you are? Peter (agitating): I told you, I don’t know anything. Why are you even here,

Charlie??? Get the f* out of my room! OUT!!!

Charlie: I will, I just need to tell you something. Calm down first, don’t freak out, shh, calm down. You know Peter, sometimes I wonder why god created the earth. We humans get TVs, used by us to be entertained. We write the script for the shows for the characters to be played and then……God! For his entertainment he created us to worship him, and I am an egocentric person, why to yield but then I am at places where I mean to be at. Maybe an opportunist, a hypocrite and i want to ask why to yield??? Why can’t I even stand tall in front of you? I never wanted to be created in the very first place. Everything is a facade. This floor, the Carpet, what if we die, it wouldn’t matter at all!!!

It is the same time may be when I will plead, plead for virtuousness. Whenever I get disturb, I yield in the name unrighteousness one, and he gives me strength. I hate it, I hate it how he tells me to be like a puppet and see my tormenting myself with my own thoughts. I want to be like Lucifer, the rebellious one. I don’t wanna yield, Peter. I don’t! It’s narcissistic. I am not happy with it but neither am sad. Haha, weird, no? And you still wanted me not to stop you from dying.

Peter: why are you telling me all these foolish things?

Charlie: Let me put it in this manner, maybe you feel like you are being dramatic, victimizing but it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s very very okay.

If you think you are the center of universe, then you were having expectations with it.
Are you understanding?

Peter: No!!! In the universe people are actually struggling and having problems and I am being me, I know…but…just…I am tired.

Charlie: “I know you are tired, but come this is the way,” This is a quote by a philosopher I am reading these days, RUMI. That’s realization, Peter, it’s very okay to feel anything, feel broken, but just make sure, make sure to be back.
You asked for the purpose of life?

Well, honestly I don’t know much, just that, ”Journeys are important than the destinations.”
Is it happy? Well again expectations, hope, haha…no lets not go with it
Being sad? Noooo, no please, nooo.
Just making peace with things and move on, YES!!! A BIG YESS!!!
Peter: Charlie, I expect a few things to happen.
Charlie: It’s okay, let’s work for them, everything will be okay, just calm down, sushhhhhhhh……
You know what, you are everything, having the potential but maybe not just pushing enough. Well, it’s okay. Universe is mysterious.

I know you don’t feel much about the others, but let us.
Wish good for all,
‘Kabira khade bazaar mein, maange sabki khair, naa kahu se dosti, naa kahu se wair!’

And there was one more, umm, what was that, umm, yeah
‘Nanak naam charhdi kala, tere bhaane sarbat da bhala!’
Get it?

Peter: Yes!!! How come you know I was here?
Charlie: You still didn’t get it?

We are just the thoughts, the pragmatic thoughts of every individual storming inside this jittery brain. I know its weird!
But again, it’s okay. The purpose is to be okay.

Forgive but first yourself.

And as they all say, IBDITA!

Checkout more such content at: https://gogomagazine.in/category/magazine/writeups-volume-4/

About The Author

Heerak Singh Kaushal

A person who is not afraid to 'call a spade, a spade'. You can often find me in two moods, either talking to everyone or just a quiet child. I live in a bubble that whatever it is shown in the newspapers, people are still good at heart. I wish you the best and may your pain just blow away!

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VIKRAM AGNIHOTRI – FIRST INDIAN BILATERAL AMPUTEE WITH DRIVING LICENSE

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